Coming from a family of nine siblings in total, you would think that my decision to want to have children would come from a place filled with family events, big Christmas dinners, and stories that could be passed down to my children, and the next generation thereafter of how my childhood shaped out to be and the antics that we would all get into.
But this is a life that I do not envision for myself.
I can vaguely recall a time where I ever wanted a child. I rarely had baby dolls growing up to carry around to look after and when I did, I would always give them away or lose them in a tragic accident. Now I would not describe that as great parenting skills but every little girl first introduction to babies back then came from play toys.
When I was nine years old that is when I decided for sure that I did not want to bring life into this world. Even at that age, I understood the importance of financial stability and the hardships that come from not having a pot to piss it. Watching my mother struggle to provide for us all while taking turns to look after one another felt more like a burden to me than a blessing. Although my mom did and continues to do a great job raising my younger siblings, I know there is a lot of things in life that she missed out on because of us.
Why Don’t 20-something’s Want Children?
With the new reveal of Cardi B’s pregnancy, the rumor mills rolling of SZA expecting also, and a cluster of my girlfriends going in for their first prenatal appointment, it is inevitable that we are now at the age of creating our own families and setting parental blueprints that work for us.
I have yet to meet a woman around my age who also does not want kids, but I know that we do exists. Many people see women who do not want children as mean, heartless, or without a womb, but in all actuality, we just want our freedom and the ability to choose to say no without feeling the backlash of our parents’ smart, childless remarks.
No shade towards the girls who are venturing on and bringing forth life, someone must make this world a better place, it just won’t be me.
When asked, a few reasons why millennial women do not want children are:
- Our careers come first
- Not wanting to settle (in life, relationships, finances)
- Having too many life options
- Living situations (staying with parents)
- Aware of the direction in which the world is going (Trump)
What Do You Want Instead?
“So, if you don’t want children Amirah then what do you want?”
I want to watch my nieces and nephews grow up into productive citizens while encouraging them and pouring all my auntie wisdom into their souls. I want to go to my sister’s house for thanksgiving fifteen years from now bearing presents from my latest trip and still screaming “ain’t nobody got time for that” when asked an unrelated question to warrant that response.
I want to continue to have amazing sex while protecting my uterus from implantation. I want to be in a loving marriage with someone who understands that I will always put my needs first, without judgment or resentment but I will love him still imperfections and all, but that our future will not include children, maybe a dog though (maybe).
I want a supportive friend base of women who uplift me and inspire me to become the best version of myself through love and constructive criticism. I want a career that will allow me to be a boss, while also traveling the world and experiencing new ways of living, thinking, and being.
I want a life filled with an abundance of feel-good songs that wake me out of the bed in the mornings. Food that fills my spirit and an energy that will overshadow the fact that I and women like me decided that children do not define our womanhood. We are not without love because we do not share that common thread with mothers. We are still women. We are still loved.
This is what I want instead.
What are your views on women who do not want children?
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